Atlas Venture and Wellington Partners merge, change name to Watlington Venture Partners, go Huge
Today Atlas Venture and Wellington Partners announced that they were combining to create a new powerhouse in the global venturing world. “This is going to be huge” commented Frank Boehnke. “ I always wanted to be huge”, added Fred Destin.
“The market really went with their headfake about leaving Europe” said Dan Primack, reporter. “I like the gutsy move; in retrospect, staying under target on the last fund was nifty”. Mr Jeff Fagnan, a partner at Watlington originally from Oregon, agreed: “You gotta keep people guessing. It’s all about the Valley these days. Having a bunch of Europeans in the firms and an office is Cambridge will really help us differentiate over there. We’re taking this market.”
One of the firms LP’s, who preferred to remain nameless, was gushing in his praise: “these guys are smart, they understand we are trying to concentrate our LP relationships and so they’re delivering exactly what the market wants ahead of the curve”. He dismissed concerns that this was really about Atlas wanting to get into Spotify and Spotify wanting to get into the US. Daniel Ek was having drinks with Bono again and could not be reached. “Nonsense, these guys are bi-winning here: more companies, more partners, more venture partners, more everything. Biwinning” said a helpful market participant.
“We think the name’s really nifty” said Fred Destin, a social media consultant and former investor. “It worked for Balderton, so it should work for us, and SEO on Watlington is dead easy. I stopped investing since I heard that it’s all about mindshare and look forward to starting my own TV Channel: Winning With Watlington”. Milo Yannopolous, the Quentin Letts of tech reporting, added: “I love the Edwardian undertones. Can’t wait for Fred and Daniel to guest post on the topic”. Stephen Fry could not be reached for comment. Daniel was reportedly delighted with his new email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
In its press conference Watlington, also unveiled its groundbreaking investment strategy and announced that it will exclusively focus on “backing exceptional entrepreneurs with disruptive ideas and global ambitions who want to build the next 100 billion dollar company”. Dave McClure offered free unwarranted commentary from the back row: “these guys are friggin’ DINOSAURS. Can’t wait to work with them”.